We are hardwired for connection to others.

I believe that what we learned about connection and relationships at a young age is currently informing how we relate to others today.

I like to say that conflict, lack of healthy communication or stale patterns can involve the other person and sometimes they have nothing to do with them at all; they are simply manifestations of our old wounds or unmet needs. We can explore this in couples therapy in a safe way.

My approach is deeply informed by Attachment, Emotionally Focused Couples therapy and Relational Life Therapy, incorporating other theoretical frameworks. We start together, then I spend a session or so with each individual 1:1 to understand more about their own history, then we come back together again.

As couples therapists we are often trained to remain neutral to make sure that people think we aren’t taking sides. I used to do this at the start of my career and realized pretty quickly…it wasn’t working. While the couple is my client and am an objective third part, I will very warmly and gently identify patterns or behaviors that I do see as problematic as an invitation to explore why that behavior started in the first place and how it affects partners.

A lot of great work can happen when we slow down and try to understand our partners’ point of view, and being a witness to some of their processing from memories in their past that are informing your present today. I challenge my clients in a warm and safe way to consider other ways of thinking as well as validating how you are feeling.

You can absolutely have the relationship you desire (including no relationship) and be the person you want to be in it.